Family Feud

Dear Fany,

Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm very excited about that. My brother has been mad at me since last February over something I said. I have called their house a number of times and emailed many many times asking them to talk to me so we can work things out. My brother refuses to talk to me. For whatever reason, he won't talk things out privately but doesn't hesitate to make a huge scene in front of company. What should I do? I haven't invited him to Thanksgiving because my in-laws and several friends will be there (30 people). I don't want a "show down" in front of everybody, but I am also tired of all the hard feelings. Any advice you have would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

Your Thanksgiving Turkey :)

First of all, it is hard to give advice when I don't know exactly what was said. However, family feuds can be a very touchy subject. In this case, I would say a prayer. I would look internally before reaching out to your brother. Whatever was said....if the shoe was on the other foot-how would it make you feel? How would you want this person to "work things out" with you? I believe that calling and emailing aren't good enough. If you truly want to make things right, you need to go to them personally. I would stop by. I would not approach them in a defensive or condescending way. I would be humble and kind. If you don't feel that you said anything wrong, you may just need to apologize for hurting them. But, not so much for what you said. After that, if they don't want to talk-just leave. But, if they do...listen, without talking so they know that you truly want to understand how they are feeling. You may have to agree to disagree. If you want your brother to be a part of your life, you will have to bend. Sometimes getting along means not always having to be right.

Lack of Desire

Dear Fany,

The last year has been extremely stressful. I love my husband dearly, and we have always had a very wonderful intimate life, but I am really struggling with that aspect of my life during all the stress (including caring for many small children and a new baby). My husband is perfect really, and is very kind and considerate, but I am just frustrated with my own lack of desire. Do you have any helpful advice?

This is very normal. Women are emotionally driven...while men are physically driven. Therefore, women have a hard time disconnecting from their stress to enjoy intimacy. We have all been there at times. My suggestion to you is to find a way to distance yourself from the stress before intimacy. This can be something as simple as playing a board game together. You can add your own intimate touch to the game. This way you will get excited and distanced from stress at the same time. Such as: Strip Skipbo, with only 5 cards in the pile. It can be any game you like-with your element of fun! If your mind is on the game and your man....it can only turn into a nice together moment! I do not recommend a movie. Tired Mom's just fall asleep! lol