UNKNOWN SMEARING!!

Dear Fany,

I am a 35 year old woman who found on facebook (no less!) that someone in the town I used to live in is smearing my name. I don't know who. But several of my former friends have "broken up" with me. Again, over facebook. I know, so 8th grade. But I was really hoping to go back to this town and now I feel like I can't. Any advice?

First of all, facebook is a really cowardly way to smear your name. If they wanted to say something they should share it face to face. You don't have any control over other peoples' words or actions-just your own. There are many reasons why someone would want to smear your name. Anger, jealousy, hurt, immaturity....and so on. How you handle this is up to you. You can choose to avoid the town and "unfriend" those people on facebook who have hurt you, or you can choose to go back to the town with your head held high and prove to others that you are not smear worthy! But, if you know why they could be smearing your name and there are things that you have done to cause this....you may need to go back and fix the problem before it gets out of control. It is really sad that the public forums have become a way for us to share horrible things about others. But, on the flip side; forums have also become a way for us to share good things about others. I hope we choose to share good!

THE FISHERMAN'S WIDOW

Dear Fany,

After nine years of a good marriage, my husband has started going fishing again. I am not opposed to this except that often he goes during our "alone time." This time should be spent dating or being together, but he jumps at the chance to go fishing when the kids are gone. When I say, "Lets go out," or "Why don't you stay home with me," he gets upset and says that I never let him do anything and that life is all about me. Am I being selfish? Help me Fanyfix. You're the only one who can. :)


Maybe you could offer to go fishing with him once in awhile. Spend time doing some of the things that he enjoys. At some point, everyone needs time to be by themselves. He may just want time alone. Remember the times when you were first married. What did he love about you? Are you that person still? What did you enjoy doing together? Try and get back to enjoying what you did before. Are you laughing together, working together, playing together...or are you just together? "Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Marriage is about unselfishness. It is about thinking of your spouses' feelings above your own....and then they will want to reciprocate. But, when we are consumed with what we want and never thinking about our spouse...resentment follows. Be happy. Be the kind of person that you would want to be around...and then he will too.