Dear Fany,
Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm very excited about that. My brother has been mad at me since last February over something I said. I have called their house a number of times and emailed many many times asking them to talk to me so we can work things out. My brother refuses to talk to me. For whatever reason, he won't talk things out privately but doesn't hesitate to make a huge scene in front of company. What should I do? I haven't invited him to Thanksgiving because my in-laws and several friends will be there (30 people). I don't want a "show down" in front of everybody, but I am also tired of all the hard feelings. Any advice you have would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Your Thanksgiving Turkey :)
First of all, it is hard to give advice when I don't know exactly what was said. However, family feuds can be a very touchy subject. In this case, I would say a prayer. I would look internally before reaching out to your brother. Whatever was said....if the shoe was on the other foot-how would it make you feel? How would you want this person to "work things out" with you? I believe that calling and emailing aren't good enough. If you truly want to make things right, you need to go to them personally. I would stop by. I would not approach them in a defensive or condescending way. I would be humble and kind. If you don't feel that you said anything wrong, you may just need to apologize for hurting them. But, not so much for what you said. After that, if they don't want to talk-just leave. But, if they do...listen, without talking so they know that you truly want to understand how they are feeling. You may have to agree to disagree. If you want your brother to be a part of your life, you will have to bend. Sometimes getting along means not always having to be right.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Lack of Desire
Dear Fany,
The last year has been extremely stressful. I love my husband dearly, and we have always had a very wonderful intimate life, but I am really struggling with that aspect of my life during all the stress (including caring for many small children and a new baby). My husband is perfect really, and is very kind and considerate, but I am just frustrated with my own lack of desire. Do you have any helpful advice?
This is very normal. Women are emotionally driven...while men are physically driven. Therefore, women have a hard time disconnecting from their stress to enjoy intimacy. We have all been there at times. My suggestion to you is to find a way to distance yourself from the stress before intimacy. This can be something as simple as playing a board game together. You can add your own intimate touch to the game. This way you will get excited and distanced from stress at the same time. Such as: Strip Skipbo, with only 5 cards in the pile. It can be any game you like-with your element of fun! If your mind is on the game and your man....it can only turn into a nice together moment! I do not recommend a movie. Tired Mom's just fall asleep! lol
The last year has been extremely stressful. I love my husband dearly, and we have always had a very wonderful intimate life, but I am really struggling with that aspect of my life during all the stress (including caring for many small children and a new baby). My husband is perfect really, and is very kind and considerate, but I am just frustrated with my own lack of desire. Do you have any helpful advice?
This is very normal. Women are emotionally driven...while men are physically driven. Therefore, women have a hard time disconnecting from their stress to enjoy intimacy. We have all been there at times. My suggestion to you is to find a way to distance yourself from the stress before intimacy. This can be something as simple as playing a board game together. You can add your own intimate touch to the game. This way you will get excited and distanced from stress at the same time. Such as: Strip Skipbo, with only 5 cards in the pile. It can be any game you like-with your element of fun! If your mind is on the game and your man....it can only turn into a nice together moment! I do not recommend a movie. Tired Mom's just fall asleep! lol
Thursday, July 29, 2010
UNKNOWN SMEARING!!
Dear Fany,
I am a 35 year old woman who found on facebook (no less!) that someone in the town I used to live in is smearing my name. I don't know who. But several of my former friends have "broken up" with me. Again, over facebook. I know, so 8th grade. But I was really hoping to go back to this town and now I feel like I can't. Any advice?
First of all, facebook is a really cowardly way to smear your name. If they wanted to say something they should share it face to face. You don't have any control over other peoples' words or actions-just your own. There are many reasons why someone would want to smear your name. Anger, jealousy, hurt, immaturity....and so on. How you handle this is up to you. You can choose to avoid the town and "unfriend" those people on facebook who have hurt you, or you can choose to go back to the town with your head held high and prove to others that you are not smear worthy! But, if you know why they could be smearing your name and there are things that you have done to cause this....you may need to go back and fix the problem before it gets out of control. It is really sad that the public forums have become a way for us to share horrible things about others. But, on the flip side; forums have also become a way for us to share good things about others. I hope we choose to share good!
I am a 35 year old woman who found on facebook (no less!) that someone in the town I used to live in is smearing my name. I don't know who. But several of my former friends have "broken up" with me. Again, over facebook. I know, so 8th grade. But I was really hoping to go back to this town and now I feel like I can't. Any advice?
First of all, facebook is a really cowardly way to smear your name. If they wanted to say something they should share it face to face. You don't have any control over other peoples' words or actions-just your own. There are many reasons why someone would want to smear your name. Anger, jealousy, hurt, immaturity....and so on. How you handle this is up to you. You can choose to avoid the town and "unfriend" those people on facebook who have hurt you, or you can choose to go back to the town with your head held high and prove to others that you are not smear worthy! But, if you know why they could be smearing your name and there are things that you have done to cause this....you may need to go back and fix the problem before it gets out of control. It is really sad that the public forums have become a way for us to share horrible things about others. But, on the flip side; forums have also become a way for us to share good things about others. I hope we choose to share good!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
THE FISHERMAN'S WIDOW
Dear Fany,
After nine years of a good marriage, my husband has started going fishing again. I am not opposed to this except that often he goes during our "alone time." This time should be spent dating or being together, but he jumps at the chance to go fishing when the kids are gone. When I say, "Lets go out," or "Why don't you stay home with me," he gets upset and says that I never let him do anything and that life is all about me. Am I being selfish? Help me Fanyfix. You're the only one who can. :)
Maybe you could offer to go fishing with him once in awhile. Spend time doing some of the things that he enjoys. At some point, everyone needs time to be by themselves. He may just want time alone. Remember the times when you were first married. What did he love about you? Are you that person still? What did you enjoy doing together? Try and get back to enjoying what you did before. Are you laughing together, working together, playing together...or are you just together? "Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Marriage is about unselfishness. It is about thinking of your spouses' feelings above your own....and then they will want to reciprocate. But, when we are consumed with what we want and never thinking about our spouse...resentment follows. Be happy. Be the kind of person that you would want to be around...and then he will too.
After nine years of a good marriage, my husband has started going fishing again. I am not opposed to this except that often he goes during our "alone time." This time should be spent dating or being together, but he jumps at the chance to go fishing when the kids are gone. When I say, "Lets go out," or "Why don't you stay home with me," he gets upset and says that I never let him do anything and that life is all about me. Am I being selfish? Help me Fanyfix. You're the only one who can. :)
Maybe you could offer to go fishing with him once in awhile. Spend time doing some of the things that he enjoys. At some point, everyone needs time to be by themselves. He may just want time alone. Remember the times when you were first married. What did he love about you? Are you that person still? What did you enjoy doing together? Try and get back to enjoying what you did before. Are you laughing together, working together, playing together...or are you just together? "Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Marriage is about unselfishness. It is about thinking of your spouses' feelings above your own....and then they will want to reciprocate. But, when we are consumed with what we want and never thinking about our spouse...resentment follows. Be happy. Be the kind of person that you would want to be around...and then he will too.
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